6-30

So today, i dissapointed myself alot....i ate...alot...i binged like no other. Im so mad at myself, and i couldnt even throw it up. ugh i hate myself...i keep trying to keep myself distracted but my boyfriend tyler left today and im sad. If im already this weak then im screwed. i need to keep my eye on the goal.... i know i need to do this. I got to focus on my goal...i will not be fat anymore, in the meantime i am working on my proana journal and writing daily on my progress. Im tierd of being a fat lard. Im gonna change me.

day 1

So today is the first day that ive decided to start purging. Im so tierd of being known as the fat girl. Eventhough my friends and boyfriend say otherwise , i can finally see it in the mirror. Mirrors dont lie and perception is key right? Im going to gain self control it is time to become thing....i have like 50 pounds to go and i will do it....i want my boyfriend to love my body for once...i dont even know why he is with my lard ass sometimes. I hope that he will be able to love every minute of my body....its not just for him ...its for myself overall. I want to be in a career in fashion and no one fat is allowed in that feild. I am fat and i know it....but worse im obesse... and my weright controls my life....im going to make a change for once in my own life. ONly thin people are graceful. im going to be thin. watch me.